Hamlette's Soliloquy

And now, a flashback into the earlier life of Hamlette:

My younger brother and I have loved Combat! since 1994, as I previously mentioned (I think). Being us, we just had to play Combat! ourselves...so we both bought these blue plastic M-1s (Sgt. Saunders, our hero, carries a Thompson M1), and we found army-green belt canteens (that never stayed fastened, for some reason). We got fake dog tags at the Smithsonian, and we wore white 'wife-beater' t-shirts under green button-down shirts, with khaki or green pants...we were really into it. We'd sit under our picnic table pretending it was a pillbox (if you crawl under there now, you can still see where I carved the "Kilroy" character with my pocket knife). We made fake 'handy-talkies' from Velveeta cheese boxes that we painted black. We took small cardboard boxes and would stick cheese and spam in them to use as our rations. It was loads of fun!

The best was this one Sunday afternoon when the folks were gone, and we decided to play Combat!. So we're both in full regalia, our faces blacked up with charcoal from Dad's grill. I'm hiding under this big bushy pine tree in our front yard, and my brother is over in the carport crouched behind a car. We're waiting to ambush some enemy soldiers. I'm like sixteen at the time, okay? And he's 12. This car pulls into our driveway, and out step this middle-aged couple, her wearing a skirt and him in a suit-coat. They've got pamphlets and books in their hands--obviously Jehovah's Witnesses or something similar, I realize. They go ring the front doorbell, and nobody answers, of course, cuz our parents are gone and we're outside. My brother peeks his head out from around the car and I give him the ok sign, so he comes out of hiding and starts around the corner of the house toward the front door. I crawl out from under my tree, bits of grass and twigs all over me, and we converge on the couple. I smile, and ask "Can I help you?" And these people just have no idea how to react. It rocked! They're like, "Uh, well, we're here to talk to you about blah blah blah." And I just grin, and say, "Well, my dad's busy right now, but he's a Lutheran pastor, and I'm sure he'd be happy to discuss theology with you, if you could come back at a more convenient time." I've got my blue plastic M1 tucked under my arm, I'm slouching, all Sgt. Saundersified. I'm trying soooo hard not to laugh! And the couple is like, "Oh, I see, yes, we'll just come back later then." They scurry back to their car and zip outta our driveway. We about died laughing! Ruined our ambush though.