Wednesday, April 13, 2005

And now, some utter silliness for your enjoyment! Inspired in part by Dave Fuller's grand "If Dr. Suess Wrote for Star Trek", I present my own random rhyming tale:

"Seussified Combat!"
by Hamlette (aka White Queen)

"Lieutenant Hanley, Sir, you called?"
Two sergeants asked, one blond, one bald.

"I did indeed, I have some news
About some info we could use."

"What info, Sir, and where, and when?"
Asked Saunders, lighting up again.

The hairless sergeant coughed and wheezed,
He spluttered, shuddered...and he sneezed!
"I've asked you once, I've asked you twice
To please stop smoking. It's not nice!"

Lieutenant Hanley rolled his eyes.
"Bald Sergeant, please make your good-byes.
I only need one squad, you see,
To take on this great task for me."

The balding sergeant, he saluted.
"To serve you, Sir, I was recruited."

When he had gone, the other two
Discussed just what First Squad should do.

"I think you know, by now, indeed,
Why you must make all haste and speed.
Some Frenchmen know, and will explain
How you can wreck the German train."

"We will be fast, we will be fleet!
The Krauts will never hear our feet!"
Then Saunders snuffed his cigarette,
Shook Hanley's hand, made his exit.

"Hey Sarge! Hey Sarge! Give us the scoop!"
Demanded Kirby, with a whoop.

"We've got our orders," said their sergeant,
"And what more could good soldiers want?"

"Wine! Women! Song!" the squad replied.
"A chance to finally sleep inside!
A meal eaten at a table!
A dance with, oh, say, Betty Grable!"

The sergeant smiled, then frowned instead.
"You know we could all end up dead!
Our mission holds great fear and danger!
Or do you think I'm the Lone Ranger?"

Billy Nelson had to smile;
Sarge hadn't joked in quite a while.
"Aw, Sarge, we know you can do lots--
You climb tall trees! You tie great knots!
You shoot the Krauts! You lead us well!
And, gee, we think you're awful swell!"

"Enough, Billy," said Sarge, not grinning.
"We can't be all that sure of winning.
Lieutenant gave us lots to do:
Stop trains, blow bridges, kill Krauts too.
It's time this episode got started."
And so, First Squad promptly departed.

They wandered here, they wandered there,
And Saunders really mussed his hair.
Caje slithered, crawled, and skulked about,
And Kirby got to knife a Kraut.
Billy and Littlejohn laughed and joked,
And Doc made sure that no one croaked.

When they returned, did Hanley say,
"Good job! Nice work! You've saved the day!"?
Oh no, instead, to First Squad's sorrow,
He said, "Let's do the same tomorrow!"


  1. I'm grinning so hard right now...THIS IS PERFECT.

    1. Hee hee! I haven't read that in forever. Man, I had just about everything in there: the constant smoking, Saunders' hair, Billy's hero-worship...

      Anyway, glad it amused you :-D


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