Last night, I was opining to my best friend that I've been trying to write a review of Captain America: Civil War for a couple of months now, and it's just not working because I can't seem to find a good balance for it -- I could either write 50 words about it, or 5,000. She laughed and agreed that was a problem, then asked what my 50-words-or-less review would be, anyway. Which led to me writing tiny reviews of a whole bunch of movies I've watched over the past few months that I haven't reviewed here. Most of them I've only seen once, and am waiting to see again before I review them. But here, just for fun, are my micro reviews of seven movies.
At first, I didn't like this movie at all. Then I saw it three more times, and now I love it. You should see it too. Also, I finally got the Spider-man I've always wanted. The End.
I didn't hate this as much as I expected to. Chris Pratt made me laugh. I wanted to punch the bad guy repeatedly so he'd land in the hospital and not annoy me anymore.
Alicia Vikander is quickly becoming one of my favorite actresses. Sometimes I even stopped staring at Matt Damon long enough to notice she was in this movie. Also, Tommy Lee Jones needs some hugs, but am I really brave enough to offer him one?
Who cast Oscar Isaac as a bad guy and then covered up his handsomeness with so much paint and prosthetics that he could barely speak, much less act? And who said it was okay to make me cry over Magneto multiple times?
Why am I continually surprised by how much I like Marvel's movies? You'd think I'd have learned by now. I didn't see this until after Civil War, which was lame of me -- don't be like me! See this.
So much fun, I want to go read the books now. There's not much higher praise I can give a movie. I did not expect to totally, thoroughly dig it. But seriously, who tells Tom Cruise to put a shirt on? Get real, people.
Is this over yet? Oh, we're smashing more buildings? Didn't we smash that one already? Guess not.