At long last, the time has come to unveil Hamlette's Warhead Movie Rating system! I've only planned to blog about this for like four months, but never had time to set it up. Well, here goes:
I rate movies that I see in the theater according to how many Warheads I consume during it. The more times I reach into my pocket for a sour pick-me-up, the worse the movie is. So in this rating system, the fewer Warheads a movie receives, the better. I put one Warhead into my mouth when the lights dim after the trailers, and if I never think about getting another one, it's a very gripping, well-executed movie. If I get one more, well, then it's a pretty good movie, but probably a little slow getting started. And if I unwrap a third Warhead, the movie probably wasn't worth me dropping $7.75 to see in the theater.
There are five flavors of Warheads, so theoretically a movie could receive a low score of five, but that would mean the movie was so terrible that the only way I could stay awake was by blistering my tongue.The only problem with this system is that it doesn't say anything about how well I liked the movie, just about how much it sucked me in. For instance, I didn't really like The Prestige, but I only had one Warhead during it, because it really pulled me in and absorbed me. So it would get a really high Warhead Rating, even though I didn't like it. On the other hand, I liked Spider-man 3 okay, but it started slowly, so gets a Warhead Rating of 2 -- which works, since I wasn't nuts about it but didn't hate it.