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Tuesday, July 25, 2023

Build Your Own Western Movie Cast


Ready to play a western movie-making game?  Rev up your imagination and picture this:

You are now possessed of a massive budget, a rollicking script for a western, a great director... and a time machine to help you assemble your cast from the finest western stars of the past one hundred years. 

The only catch is, your cast is going to be determined by some fairly random aspects of your life.  This should result (I hope) in a truly unique cast, the likes of which has never before graced the silver screen.  Just follow the directions to gather your stars, then let us know your spectacular cast lineup in the comments!

Ready?  Let's do it!

Lead Actor

The second letter of your middle name determines who gets to play the main male character in your movie, as follows:

A/B/C = Clint Eastwood
D/E/F = Denzel Washington
G/H/I = Glenn Ford
J/K/L = John Wayne
M/N/O = Matt Damon
P/Q/R = Sidney Poitier
S/T/U = Steve McQueen
V/W/X/Y/Z = Val Kilmer


Lead Actress

The main female character in your movie is determined by what you're wearing on your feet right now:

Socks only = Doris Day
Slippers = Zendaya
Sneakers/tennis shoes = Nicole Kidman
Sandals = Penelope Cruz
High heels = Olivia de Havilland
Boots = Maureen O'Hara
Bare feet = Scarlett Johansson
Other = Barbara Stanwyck


Hero's Sidekick

Your hero needs a sidekick, right?  The first letter of the street you live on decides who helps your hero out of any messes or jams he might find himself in:

A/B/C = Charles Bronson
D/E/F = Sam Elliott
G/H/I = Danny Glover
J/K/L = Diego Luna
M/N/O = Lee Majors
P/Q/R = Bill Pullman
S/T/U = Jay Silverheels
V/W/X/Y/Z = Patrick Wilson


Heroine's Best Friend

Even the strongest female character needs friends.  Find out who plays your heroine's gal pal based on the last thing you had to drink (or what you're currently drinking):

Water = Gina Carano
Milk = Debbie Reynolds
Coffee = Shelley Winters
Tea = Selma Hayek
Soda = Angie Dickinson
Juice = Hailee Steinfeld
Alcohol = Claire Trevor
Other = Mary-Louise Parker


Comic Relief

Every movie needs a laugh here and there.  The genre of the last movie you watched determines who will bring the chuckles to your film:

Action = Jackie Chan
Comedy = Steve Martin
Drama = Walter Brennan
Family film = Don Knotts
Musical = Bill Murray
Rom-com = Owen Wilson
Sci-fi = Slim Pickens
Western = George "Gabby" Hayes


Villain

Who's making trouble for your hero and heroine?  The first pet you ever had decides your villain:

Cat = Tommy Lee Jones
Dog = Lee Marvin
Fish = Cate Blanchett
Bird = Marlene Dietrich
Reptile = Lee Van Cleef
Rodent = Gene Hackman
Horse = Alan Rickman
Other = Robert Ryan

(If you have never had a pet, choose the animal you really wanted to have as a pet when you were a little kid.)


And there you have it!  Just add those all together to create the cast of your blockbuster western.  If you want to, you can make up a little story to go with it, but you don't have to -- you can just comment with the names of your stars and what their roles will be.

Here's mine:

Hero: Val Kilmer
Sidekick: Charles Bronson
Heroine: Scarlett Johannson
Gal Pal: Angie Dickinson
Comic Relief: Steve Martin
Villain: Tommy Lee Jones

My hero (Val Kilmer) and heroine (Scarlett Johansson) arrive in town at the same time, one on a horse and the other on the train.  He and a pal (Charles Bronson) are just drifting through, looking for work.  She's coming home, her best friend (Angie Dickinson) in tow, to take over running her father's mercantile.  He died last month, shot in the back and dumped in an alley, and the only person in town who will tell her anything about the night he died is the town drunk (Steve Martin), who talks only as long as you keep plying him with beer and peanuts.  And those peanuts had better be plenty salty.  The town sheriff has left for parts unknown, and the two drifting friends are only convinced to replace him when the heroine and her best friend ask them really, really nicely.  

Everyone is suspicious of the man (Tommy Lee Jones) who owns both saloons and the dry goods store, and who keeps trying to scare the heroine into selling him her store and leaving town too.  Of course, he turns out to be a not-so-retired outlaw bent on making the town into a new hideout for bad guys and stolen goods.  

The hero and the villain end up in a shoot-out that ranges all over town, then onto a train just leaving the station, and only ends when they both run out of bullets and the hero punches the villain so hard, he falls off the train and dies.  The hero climbs back down onto the train, and when the conductor asks to see his ticket, he says he won't be riding long enough to need one.  His best friend rides up alongside the train leading a spare horse, the hero jumps off the train onto his horse, and they both head back to town.  The End!

Now it's your turn!

23 comments:

  1. Hero: Denzel Washington
    Sidekick: None! (our street names are numbers only)
    Heroine: Zendaya
    Gal Pal: Shelley Winters
    Comic Relief: Owen Wilson
    Villain: Lee Marvin

    I'd watch this movie with this cast, LOL!

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  2. My cast is pretty eclectic but that's what makes it fun. ;)

    Hero: Matt Damon
    Heroine: Scarlett Johansson
    Sidekick: Danny Glover
    Best Friend: Mary-Louise Parker
    Comic Relief: Walter Brennan
    Villain: Tommy Lee Jones

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    Replies
    1. Rissi, that's a very interesting cast! Almost all "modern" actors and actresses, actually, with Walter Brennan thrown in for classic flavor ;-)

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  3. Eeek, so excited about this. Ok, here goes:
    Lead actor: Matt Damon
    Lead actress: Scarlett Johansson
    Hero's sidekick: Bill Pullman
    Heroine's best friend: Shelley Winters
    Comic relief: Slim Pickens
    Villain: Marlene Dietrich

    Still trying to work my brain around some of the dynamics there xD, but here goes for a very off the cuff plot idea...

    The hero (Matt Damon) and his sidekick (Bill Pullman) are both prospectors who come into town and discover it's being ruled by an iron fist in a kid glove by the villainess (Marlene Dietrich). There's some sort of cattle baron feud going on & (despite not knowing anything about cattle), they get drawn in to staying and helping Marlene Dietrich's niece (Scarlett Johansson) save the day, along with the help of the sheriff in town, played by a somewhat bumbling but very earnest and dedicated Slim Pickens. (How's that for the germ of a plot idea?? xD)

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    Replies
    1. Heidi, that is a fascinating cast combo, for sure! I would 100% watch this movie. And now I am mad that Matt Damon and Bill Pullman have never worked together, because them in a buddy movie would be so fun! Also, Slim Pickens as a sheriff is cracking me up :-D

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  4. Interesting. I have a very modern Western cast here, so we're going to make it a Sci-Fi Western.

    Hero: Matt Damon
    Sidekick: Bill Pullman
    Heroine: Scarlett Johansson
    Gal Pal: Mary-Louise Parker
    Comic Relief: Jackie Chan
    Villain: Tommy Lee Jones

    Matt Damon and Bill Pullman are former outlaws trying to go straight. They head their ship for the Deep Rim, where they're unknown and can start fresh. Instead of freedom and new opportunities, they find Tommy Lee Jones controlling both the planet's main export, the cattle-like rezros, and the population with his army of nasty laser-gun toting henchmen. After being rescued from Jones after their arrival by Scarlett Johansson and Mary-Louise Parker, they join the ladies in their plan to deliver a herd of rezros at no cost to a neighboring planet suffering from a terrible famine. Jones isn't about to allow that to happen, so the fight is on. He'll do just about anything to stop them from breaking his monopoly on the rezros, and he's got the manpower and weapons to do it. Jackie Chan joins them as the mad-skilled but crazy pilot of the huge transport ship they need to move the rezros. Ever seen a stampede on a spaceship? You will now! Our heroes find that their outlaw skills are now an asset, but can they stay alive long enough to deliver the rezros to a starving planet? Coming soon to a theater near you... I wish.

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    Replies
    1. DKoren, considering that the options are half classic and half modern actors, the modern actors sure are showing up a lot. Huh.

      Anyway, if your movie was playing this summer, it would be the one I went to five weekends in a row. I love it!!! Especially Jackie Chan as a crazy pilot :-D

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  5. What a fun idea! My cast:

    Hero: Clint Eastwood
    Heroine: Scarlett Johansson
    Sidekick: Patrick Wilson
    Heroine's best friend: Gina Carano
    Comic relief: Don Knotts
    Villain: Tommy Lee Jones

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Katie! My goodness, wouldn't it be fun to stir up a movie filled with those people? I want a showdown between Clint Eastwood and Tommy Lee Jones so bad now I can taste it.

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    2. It would be MOST EXCELLENT. The amount of glares and smolders in that movie alone would be worth the price of admission.

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  6. Scarlett Johannson wasn't even born yet before Steve McQueen died. That could be problematic...

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  7. The mind boggles at what might happen in a movie featuring Sidney Poitier, Barbara Stanwyck, Patrick Wilson, Gina Carano, Don Knotts, and Lee Marvin. :) (I've never even seen Wilson or Carano so my mind boggles even a bit more.)

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    Replies
    1. Elisabeth, my mind boggles too, but in a good way. If you want to see Patrick Wilson in something, I recommend Midway (2019) VERY highly. It's one of my top 10 favorite movies, and he plays my favorite person in it.

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  8. I went back this morning (after I got dressed for work). Since i have steel toed shoes that could change my lead actress: Either Barbara Stanwyck or Maureen O'Hara. They are shoes, not boots so I probably need to go with Barbie. But I'm still stuck on the Comic Relief. I watched The Great Escape (again). Not really action and not really drama. Where is the "Other" (or war, but you also are missing horror., so Other would cover the missing ones.)

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    1. Quiggy, well, you just have to kind of pick the genre that your last watch fits best in, so I guess I would put The Great Escape in Action. That's where my hometown video rental store put it back when I was a kid, anyway.

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  9. So much fun! I only have a bit of time so I'll very quickly share my results...

    Lead actor: Steve McQueen (!!!)
    Lead actress: Scarlett Johansson
    Hero's Sidekick: Jay Silverheels
    Heroine's Best Friend: Gina Carano
    Comic Relief: Don Knotts (BEST)
    Villain: Robert Ryan (ohhhh how fitting)

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    Replies
    1. Eva, I mean, how much fun would that cast be? All the intensity between McQueen and Ryan, and then Scarjo and Gina just sassing their way through life, and Jay Silverheels trying to be the voice of reason, and Don Knotts getting in everyone's way all the time... Wow. I drool.

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    2. Why do you create these games when we know that we'll never see such brilliant casts? XD

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    3. Eva, shhhhh, don't tell anyone, but throwing a bunch of amazing actors and actresses together is how I come up with like 90% of my book and story ideas...

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  10. This is so fun that I'm going to do it twice just for kicks and giggles: once for the lineup that I would get based on the rules, and once for the lineup that I would choose. ;-P

    Rules Lineup:

    Hero: Matt Damon
    Heroine: Penelope Cruz
    Hero's Sidekick: Jay Silverheels
    Heroine's Best Friend: Gina Carano
    Comic Relief: Don Knotts
    Villain: Lee Marvin

    Not bad, not bad . . . but not exactly what I would choose for myself. ;-P That would be:

    Dream Lineup:

    Hero: Denzel Washington
    Heroine: Zendaya
    Hero's Sidekick: Diego Luna
    Heroine's Best Friend: Selma Hayek
    Comic Relief: Bill Murray
    Villain: Cate Blanchett

    To be clear, the hero and heroine wouldn't be romantically involved in this scenario . . . but I wouldn't say nay to connections between the heroine and the sidekick, and the hero and the best friend. :D

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    Replies
    1. Olivia, oooooh, double your pleasure, double your fun! I dig it. And the idea of the hero and the heroine's best friend getting together, with the heroine and the hero's sidekick getting together -- that is unusual and interesting and I love it. Let's do it!

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