Tuesday, February 08, 2005

Here is the absolute funniest opening sentence I have read in a really long time. Especially since it comes from a non-humor-oriented place...it's a letter to one of those multitudinous advice columns the Wisconsin State Journal runs (from Monday, Feb 7, 2005 to be precise). I don't mean to mock the poor woman who wrote it, because she obviously has a legitimate problem. But the way she sets up her tale of woe just makes me giggle. In fact, I laughed out loud in the break room at work when I first read it:
"Dear Annie: I am a 35-year-old woman with four children, an advanced degree and no serious health problems, but I have compulsively and secretly been eating crayons for months."
Isn't that hilarious? I mean, honestly...the way she starts out by reciting her normalcy...I figured it would be another of those "I'm attracted to the high school kid who mows my lawn" or "I think I'm fat but my husband keeps forcefeeding me cookie dough" problems. No, no, the woman is eating crayons. Eating them "compulsively and secretly". The wording could not be more perfect! It's exactly how they tell you to write unexpectedish humor! I love it!


  1. Ok you can't do that!
    How can you not tell us the rest of the story!
    Why was this woman eating crayons? What advice was given. I'm uber curious now.

  2. On a more serious note . . . . I strongly suspect this woman, if it is actually a woman and not some teenage prankster, is simply projecting her idea of a funny joke. Maybe I'm too straight to understand this problem . . . . . . ?

  3. On a personal note . . . . read your bio. Hope your wish to return to the SOUTH is realized. Good luck. UNO HU

  4. Hi!
    Well, I found your blog when I was surfing on Blogspot.com blogs.
    I´m brazilian and I thought that wouldn´t harm if I gave you a tip (in case you wanted it, of course)about how put links on your sidebar.

    You have a very funny and interesting blog. I really liked it. And the woman of this post is CRAZY!!!

  5. First off, Angel, you're from Brazil? Way cool! Thanks for the tips--I seriously do mean to try to put some of my friends' blog addresses on my sidebar one of these days...and I'm glad you've enjoyed my blog!

    And UNO HU, hope you're enjoying my blog too! (I've been informed of your true identity, bwahahaha). Here's the rest of the column, so you don't have to keep wondering about Crayon Woman:

    "Dear Annie: I am a 35-year-old woman with four children, an advanced degree and no serious health problems, but I have compulsively and secretly been eating crayons for months. I don't mean chewing on a crayon here and there. I mean eating an entire 64-count box, and doing it several times a week. I can't stop, and I don't know why. I am too embarrassed to tell my doctor, because I know he'll think I am crazy. The box says the crayons are non-toxic, but I'm really eating a lot of them. And this is a really dumb question, but are they fattening? Why am I doing this? Am I crazy? Please help.--Crayon Freak

    Dear Crayon Freak: We have no idea how many calories are in a 64-count box of crayons, but that's the least of your worries. You may have pica, a disease that involves eating non-food substances (dirt is the most common). Pica is usually caused by a nutritional deficiency, often iron or zinc, and it can sometimes occur during pregnancy. There is apparently something about the contents or texture of crayons that you crave. While crayons are considered non-toxic, they are not intended to be eaten, especially in such quantities. You are not crazy, but you do need to see a doctor. Don't wait until you finish the next box." ("Wisconsin State Journal". Monday, February 7, 2005)

  6. Since then I noticed another attempt to inject humor into the strip by the writers, when a family detailed its problems with the son of a groundskeeper, "Willie."

    I'd really like to see what the grammar and punctuation look like in these articles before they get cleaned up, standardized, and de-stylized.



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